Crush
by Analatelle
Summary: I didn't want to appear as a dramatic and an emotionally unstable person. I wasn't. It was just the simple fact that I hated what I was. I often think about it at night before I go to sleep. I was glad to know that at the very least someone knew me, the real me. And it was enough. NXM. T for possible swearing.


**Crush**

It's been a week since Hotaru got her first car.

I admit.

I was pretty jealous of her. She might be my best friend but my inferiority complex wouldn't back down even though Hotaru was a close friend. I love my best friend. The problem was me. I was a jealous person. And unfortunately, I couldn't change what I am. It was a good thing that Hotaru knew me. That meant that she knew all of me. My personality, my jealous character and all the things that I hid from everyone else, she knew all of it.

She knew that I had a crush on her cousin, Natsume and that I was jealous of her for everything that she had that I did not. I was jealous that she had a boyfriend and I did not. She knew my petty personality. That was the way I am. She accepted it. I could not.

I didn't want to appear as a dramatic and an emotionally unstable person. I wasn't. It was just the simple fact that I hated what I was. I often think about it at night before I go to sleep. I was a miserable person and it was lucky of me to have someone that understood and accepted that I was this kind of a person. I think negative thoughts and almost never think of anything positive.

I was glad to know that at the very least someone knew me, the real me. And it was enough.

I smiled broadly as I walked to the classroom.

I greeted people who smiled and they greeted me back.

When I spotted my best friend, I ran to her with the intention of hugging her, I caught her off guard and slammed myself to her.

I grinned when she frowned and glared at me.

She was just so adorable even when she gets mad. I'd often annoy her just to see her angry face.

"Mikan." She said, warning me and telling me that it was my cue to get off. I did.

I giggled and sat next to her, muttering a small apology.

"Mikan! Where did you go yesterday? You just disappeared without saying anything." Said Anna, running towards our direction and eyes firmly planted on mine. She was smiling.

Glad that I didn't have to strain my neck to turn back to talk to her, I told her that I felt sick that afternoon. She nodded and told me to be careful with what I eat next time so that I wouldn't get sick easily.

Anna was a really kind person. She was compassionate and worried a lot for people she considered friends. Despite her angelic and kind personality, I despised her. I didn't like her. I honestly didn't know why. Whether it was because I thought she was pretentious or because I thought she wasn't what she seemed, I didn't know. I do know that both meant the same though, so that was kind of stupid of me.

I viewed people as though they were like me. Someone, who hides their true selves to survive in the world that revolves around sociality and social intercourse, with the exception of Hotaru, of course. That was why I liked her. I didn't particularly hate how society works though. The system of socializing was necessary. That's the way it was. It was also never going change.

The person who just entered the classroom cut off my thoughts.

Natsume.

He was the only one along with Hotaru that was true to themselves. I envied the two of them. Despite their cold personalities and obvious lack of social mannerism, people liked them, acknowledged them, and most importantly, people accepted them. I had a crush on him.

The word crush was a vivid word, that's why I'm using it. Maybe the right word would have been infatuation. I really didn't know. Truthfully, I just didn't care. I did care if the word love pops out though. A crush or an infatuation was the same thing. Love however, was different. I didn't really know what 'love' means though, just that, it's a strong word, powerful even.

I swore to never use it.

I was determined to let it be just a word.

"Stop daydreaming Polka." Natsume said in a neutral voice.

I smiled at him.

The name Polka originated from my underwear. It was kind of amusing hearing it from him. I mean, he was the inventor of that name meant for me but he knew that it really didn't matter to me that much. He knew a part of me that was indifferent. Nevertheless, I acted embarrassed and offended.

"Shut up you Jerk! And don't call me Polka!" I screamed, exaggerating.

He smirked and took his seat.

Despite knowing how I was, he acted as though he didn't know. He wanted to poke fun of my 'outward' personality. I guess it amused him. I didn't mind it that much. I realized, I could confidently say that I was a good actress though. It was fun. I let it be.

Natsume and Ruka started gossiping about what was the nicest color of boxers they were gonna use for tomorrow (I'm joking. I think of myself having a good humor.) while the rest of us were chatting away the day.

After school, I remained on my seat and stared at the sunset.

Beautiful.

It was the only word that comes to mind when seeing suns setting and even rising, not that I actually go to the trouble of waking up early to see a sunrise.

I just sat there and enjoyed the view.

I refused Hotaru's offer to come with her somewhere to relax. I refused her. A decision I wasn't regretting anytime soon since sunset watching was just as relaxing.

Today was Friday, but I didn't feel the joy of the thought of being free from school for two days. It was the same old routine. There was nothing new and nothing to be happy about.

When it got slightly darker, I grabbed my bags and decided it was time to go home.

I stood up from my seat and almost screamed out loud. Hey, just because I was a pessimist didn't mean I couldn't get scared or scream or have a panic attack.

It took me a few seconds to compose myself and glared at the person lazily leaning in the door way.

"What the hell are you doing? You almost scared the living soul out of me!" I shouted at him. I was really frightened, especially with rumors going on about ghosts appearing out of nowhere nowadays.

Natsume lifted his brow questioningly.

"Is that the inner screaming or the outer?" he asked casually.

I grimaced.

"Both." I snapped.

I quickly walked towards the door… or him, intent on bulldozing my way out the room.

He blocked the way. As much as I wanted to knock him off his ass, he didn't budge at my advance.

I sighed,

"What do you want?" I grudgingly asked.

"I was waiting for you."

My eyes widened.

What?

"Why?" I sounded so skeptical even to my own ears.

"I don't know." Contrary to his response, he looked so sure and confident with himself.

If I was confused just a few seconds ago, I was absolutely perplexed with him now.

"You don't know?"

"Yup."

"I didn't take you for a person who used 'yup' to affirming things." I lifted a brow and observed his nonexistent reaction.

He ignored my comment and asked, "Want to come to Lila's with me?"

I stiffened.

"How'd you know I loved their pastries?"

"I just know."

Yeah right.

"I'm not the kind of person to turn down my favorite food, so let's go already."

* * *

**NOT EDITED**

**AN: I just thought this up an hour ago and decided to give it a try. This would probably be like my other story 'The Flash Drive' in length. A bit depressing though?**

**Hope People enjoyed reading this ^-^**

**And please let me know if this is a good story….**

**R&amp;R**


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